Because trauma almost invariably involves not being seen, not being mirrored, and being taken into account, treatment needs to reactivate the capacity to safely mirror, and be mirrored, by others…”
~ Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D- ‘The Body Keeps the Score’
I apologize for opening with trauma. However, your less than self -loving thoughts and behaviors did not manifest from your beautiful imagination. If your imagination was damaged and now takes you on adventures into places so dark and isolating that you suffer in silence- feeling removed from all that you see around you- then the loving and creative inner child was hijacked by confusions and fears- aka trauma.
One of the most damaging confusions these traumas leave imprinted upon us is the feeling of being separate, alone, bad, unloveable etc etc. Most of us share these thoughts from time to time but deeper wounding often also creates physical isolation. These patterns can be heartbreaking when the soul inside likely craves connection, exhilaration, community, laughter and play. Our creative processes are also hijacked as creativity most always involves sharing and being seen for these wildly loving and expressive parts of us.
Still, undercurrents of confusion washed aside, we move through our lives and even make great strides. The self- reflections and healing work begin to poke light holes in the story built on hollow ground. However these healing journeys-deeply profound-are mainly of the solitary soldier and there is still a mind shaft of darkness that you trip into. It’s not your fault- it is faulty trip wiring..
Enter Mirror Neurons
Mirror neurons reside in the frontal lobe of the brain and were discovered in 1994 by Italian Scientists- identifying the frontal lobe as the seat of empathy. Until that point (unless we consider mimesis- and we should) imitation of others and other things, synchrony, language and empathy were a bit unexplainable.
Through mirror neurons we are able to attune to other’s emotions, motives and energies and thus respond. When what we see is fearful and unaccepting of who we are, we react by either adopting this behavior upon first ourselves, and eventually others, or we have enough wisdom wires from a more positive and un-traumatized life to not mimic these behaviors.
(I want to insert that traumas come in many forms and at many stages in your life. Just because you had a beautiful childhood I do not imply that you do not hold these same disturbances within you. And- there are those that are wired with such grounding rods of light that, even as children, something in them was able to discern and deflect destruction around them. I am speaking from common and personal experience).
Like most developmental experiences these mirror neurons are vital in our formative years for being wired with self acceptance and discernment of who we want influencing our lives. And, like most all experiences in life we tend to hold onto, and are impacted by, the more negative and painful events. We are wired this way for good reason- so that the body can know how to respond in the face of real danger. Yet when those dangers come from a person or environment we are supposed to be nurtured by, the wires get crossed and confused.
Also very worth correlating is that- as the mind takes in what it sees and articulates it through the body. Thus, rejection and fear contract the body causing many of the physical imbalances (especially digestive) that we see prevalent today.
I invite you at this point to take a deep breath into your loving heart if this touches into some wounds- which I promise make you beautiful.
How to Heal~ a workshop, and a prayer…
“Our culture teaches us to focus on personal uniqueness, but at a deeper level we barely exist as individual organisms. Our brains are built to help us function as members of a tribe”~ B Van Der Kolk, M.D
Engaging with life and community is a step. But, social engagement with discernment is where the work of self love begins. Groups that reinforce your faulty wiring may feel good for a time- as acceptance on any level can feel good to trauma. However negativity mirrors negativity.
The part of mirroring and healing these neurons that is challenging is that you now have to parent yourself into making decisions to show up to groups that can support you- and all of your loving parts- and reflect the basic goodness of all life despite the shared pain we all have. And thus you mirror the same to them and allow that basic goodness to flow through you… reciprocity…
…Just to be witnessed- your beautiful face to be seen- your tears to fall. No need to explain yourself or tell your story- until it’s time to do so from a loving place inside. No need to do anything but be and have those around you feel what we all feel, without words. No need to do anything but see what surrounds you- because the eye that perceives beauty is also the lens that beauty comes through.
If stepping fully into vulnerable territory of seer and witnesser among others is a few steps away I encourage a practice of allowing yourself to be seen by the ultimate healing forces of unconditional love- the mysteries and beauties of Nature. These forces want us to heal as they need us to see them and support their healing as well.
You can begin healing these lonely parts by joining in union with the eclipse- this great dance of reflection, light and dark. The Sun symbolizes the light and essence of the soul of all things. The Moon is a reflective force- relaying upon you how to bring the light of the soul into form. Yet as reflection falls upon your amazing face you will be asked to clearly see- also-all of the broken parts that need you to stand in this light and reclaim your beauty.
A prayer and practice- this can be done anytime with the cycles of the Moon- or a Tree or Flower or…
Stand firmly with bare feet on the ground feel the support of the Earth
Look down- eyes wide and see the Earth and say “I am supported”
Eyes wide- gaze upon the reflective force (Moon, tree) and say “I see you”. Repeat this out loud as many times as needed until you here a voice whisper back “You are seen”.
As you look upon this beauty that sees you notice the movement, the texture, the sound. Notice how you feel and where in your body.
End with gratitude- a prayer of reciprocity and love.
I encourage you to maintain this relationship and witness the magic and healing.
To Be Seen in Silence~ A workshop to take this healing deep.
There will be one on one and group exchange without words- to quiet the story and bring the true nature of our soul out from the shadows that the story can cast.
This gathering will be held within a larger container of healing at a magical place HERE