For most of my 30s I would wake in the morning with this underlying anxiety that would hit me with a subtle waive of nausea. The thoughts that accompanied this feeling would all be centered around this theme of “running out of time to prove my feminine worthiness”. In my mind I was racing against time, I was racing against myself and I also felt as though as I was racing against other women- which is a perpetuating factor, I believe, in our current imbalances. Above all, I felt alone. When we don’t connect and learn from one another we also perpetuate a shame around our bodies not working, not being loved, not loving ourselves and so on. This separation just compounds the feelings of unworthiness and embarrassment at being (insert age here) without a man and a baby- a perfect picture of balanced family-career-love.
A couple of weeks ago I was asked by a man in the community, who leads Rights of Passage (ROP) initiations for young men, to gather a small group of wise women to speak with the new initiates and the men who are supporting them.
He asked that the women come forth and speak about a wound, a blessing and share some wisdom around what we feel young men need to hear from us. As the young men are 14 years of age he gave us an hour to honor their attention span.
Here is a picture. It might not seem like much to you. But if you look closely it holds an ancient myth- of a woman and a tree.
It is April 19, 2019, a full moon as well as my 42nd birthday. I have just emerged from initiation- a quest for life, vision and permission. This is the
only picture that was taken. I can hear my mama sayin’- “I can’t see your beautiful face”. Oh but mama dear look close and you will see the 1000 faces of Her in the silhouette of a woman and a tree.
“We do not care for what we do not know. We do not know what we cannot name.”Sharon Blackie
When all women are in tune with and listening to their wombs and following their hearts, the Earth will restore to balance again…
There is an amazing man in my life who has the sensitivities to feel into the feminine dynamics within himself and others. In one of our heart to hearts he said~
“Women are the most intelligent species I know of. Every woman knows what she wants in her heart. If every woman listened to that voice, and followed it, life in and around her would restore to balance”
It was a few months ago that I met the Salmon Spirit. I was attending an Imbolc and plant medicine class and had an encounter with a plant that brought me on a journey to the sacred laws of reciprocity through the body and life of the Salmon. A dream message that slowly revealed its lesson through lived experiences that awakened a full awareness of my impact on the whole organism of life. (The full story will come forth as I allow myself to fully digest the gift of this insight.)
The Salmon is cross culturally symbolic as a totem of knowledge and reciprocity. The Salmon’s journey and dream is one of service and initiation. [Read more…] about Words on Death and Nourishment from the Salmon Spirit
Illness or Initiation?
I was listening to one of my current inspiritors, Michael Meade, and he said something that plunged into my depths and re- affirmed this very present conversation I am having with my healing around what is really underlying my pain and trauma.
In summary he says:
“when you experience a life event that shapes the way you view and act in the world, that takes a piece of you- like severe illness or injury, death of someone so close to you, or some external disaster that rips apart a prior foundation on which you based your life- your Soul views that threshold as a signal that an initiation is about to begin”.
It is not an error that you have been born
a sensitive human being,
with a tender nervous system
and a heart that is sometimes broken.
Your vulnerability is not a mistake,
but a portal back into life,
into a world that has forgotten
how to dream
Do your desires fall short of the horizon? Do your connections and presence with others waiver. Maybe you feel a mechanism wanting to orient you solidly on the Earth beneath your feet to walk in service. And a soul calling you forward but there is a fleeting quality when you get close enough to even begin articulating the contract… [Read more…] about Be of Service- Heal This…