“We do not care for what we do not know. We do not know what we cannot name.”Sharon Blackie
When all women are in tune with and listening to their wombs and following their hearts, the Earth will restore to balance again…
There is an amazing man in my life who has the sensitivities to feel into the feminine dynamics within himself and others. In one of our heart to hearts he said~
“Women are the most intelligent species I know of. Every woman knows what she wants in her heart. If every woman listened to that voice, and followed it, life in and around her would restore to balance”
His words moved deep in my womb body. However, it is was all that lived in between his words that drew me into deeper inquiry. There was an ask in his reflection. He needs me to follow my heart- regardless of whether it meant our connection shifted its dynamics. He understands that the divine balance of Life rests on women to listen to and follow the wisdom in their womb bodies- their hearts. The female body is what upholds life and therefore the wisdom within our bodies, when clearly heard and followed, is always in alignment with Life inclusive principles and freedom of heart for all.
What does it mean for me to follow my heart? I felt into how the cliché has been tossed aside as a New Age platitude with no ground. When in fact, following my heart is the exact thing that will give me ground and invite my intended path on this Earth to meet my feet. When I follow the wisdom in my heart, I set into motion a course in miracles that begin to arrive to me rather than a grasping for. All the help I need, as the structures of false support fall away, is waiting to hold me in the layers of grief, anger and honest, hard, self-reflection of everywhere and everywhy I could and would not hear my heart.
Aligning with my heart requires the ability to listen to the higher aspects of Self AND follow the guidance. My higher self has always been there. She is the voice that has remained unchanged no matter age or circumstance. She is the voice buried under the modernities that are designed to distract me from this path. Listening is an artform not for the faint of heart- which I am not. I have come to know through many trials that once I hear that wisdom whispered to me- it cannot be unheard.
There is so much letting go. So many conversations to be had. A great gift cultivated on this path is my capacity to speak my truth with the people in my life. I do not leave things lingering because when I do, resentment festers and I entrap myself into bitterness. Bitterness and resentment in a woman are a direct line to a heart unheard and dismissed by her.
Illness in the body of a woman, especially in her womb, is a direct line to self-inflicted heart break that has stemmed from her life and the lives of the women before her. There is heart break that comes from grief and loss because you loved so much. These are the cracks that Rumi speaks of and that almost every living human shares. Then there is the implosive heartbreak that comes from self-suffocation of voice where you must become the light that reignites your inner torch bearer.
As a woman, for my authentic heart to be heard I must be in touch with my womb and my body. This cultivates holistic health in what I call the womb heart. My womb is a portal for every wisdom kept, shared and rapidly re-awakening through the Divine Feminine channel. My womb holds the dreams of my ancestors as well as the stories of their pains and pleasures. I have access for this womb wisdom to speak through my heart where ancient medicine meets the unique path that I was born to walk. Woven together I am blanketed with the security of my intuition as a guide that never fails me.
There is a forever untouched part of us as women. A code and chain unbroken lives within the blood of our womb bodies. In that place lives a story of a woman from behind the stars that sacrificed her womb for the sovereignty of ours…
She descended from behind the Northern most winds. She came to life in an immaculate swirl of dynamic chaos with her sister by her side. Some said they were lovers, some say mother and daughter who birthed each other. They carried the gift of reciprocity to share through birth, death and rebirth rituals with the beings that dotted the newly forming Earth. Their medicine pouch- nestled within their iridescent bodies held by silver strands of ligament in the center of their pelvic nest. They were flesh and star.
As the mysteries of all time go, the question of “why?’ did that one dark star spiral away from the light?- we can never know… One day a wind was shifting in a new way- that sent the women wandering into a land of destitution. They listened to the Earth and kept afoot trusting that with each step of their blessing feet, Life would spring behind them. Up in the distance the wind seemed to still and thicken into a darkness they had not seen, but heard tales of, from the Dreamers of the Earth.
It was a band of men. Many men they had already encountered in their traverse across time. Men whom they loved and helped form and anoint with the blood of Life to make warriors and protectors of the She. Yet with the approach of these men their bodies felt cold. One of the men, in metal and matted hair and fang and blank, dark eyes, stepped forward with a dagger in hand. He pinned one of the sisters in her glimmering flesh and heavenly heart to the Earth, raped and killed her in front of her lover-mother. Her blood spilled red rose gold and she melted into the Earth.
The sister left standing sent a wild cry to the beyond places where the Winds form dreams and oaths of Life. The air shifted and swirled around her as her womb began to glow. She drew the dagger from the Earth, where her beloved disappeared, made a motion to the Sky before she carved her womb from her body. She held it in her hands before the men. She buried it; blood filled and throbbing light into the Earth. She forever sealed, within the body of the Mother, a place where every woman will forever be untouched, unraped and unharmed- A sovereign womb free from the great dark star mystery that haunts us through the treacherous and unsafe times we have known as women.
She cries in your heart to remember the oath and rituals that revive Her…
If you cannot hear your heart, the work is to begin by listening to your womb. What are Her stories? What are your Mother’s and Grandmother’s stories? What does the pain say? What does your pleasure or lack of say?- Your blood, your births, your losses, your blocks, your anger, your grief?
I spent the first half of my life completely disconnected from this channel of intelligence in my body. The layers of trauma created depleting illness that forced me to surrender to the prayers I was silently casting from my silenced heart. Following my heart builds trust in Love and prayer (we all pray).
The potentially more critical reason for me to follow my womb heart is that I have the privilege to do so as a Western woman in the Global North. Consciousness can freely and, for the most part, safely move through me to guide me towards all my heart came to this Life to experience and love. I have a duty to tend my life in a good, true and beautiful way because, as a woman, I am entrusted to steward this Earth in ways that open the potential for all living beings to live in balance and freedom. I took an oath to uphold Life. By upholding and tending mine- all of Life follows. The Global North drives a lot of what the Global South inherits.
It is up to me to change Life back to the way of the heart. As a collective, privileged body of Western women, it is up to us to change the course of the Earth and tap into the places that know better and remember the medicine of the stars- period. Oh periods.
Can we remember our individual and collective oath? Can we live into our virtues all the way to the edge of the Earth so the blanket of healing reaches all beings? I am doing my inner shadow work (always) to look at the ways I have been deceived and still easily slip into deception around what I deserve, what I truly want, what supports me, my ideas of my body, needs, desires etc. There is a shadow that is lurking in the “I deserve it all” -“I deserve to have what I desire”. We have mistaken our ego desires for our heart’s desire. Our heart would NEVER have us choosing paths, careers, partnerships, choices around our wombs and bodies that are anthropocentric and disclusive of Life.
BTW- all I, you and we deserve is our Life.
Our hearts have been manipulated to desire unnatural forms of what we must look like, things we must have in order to be considered a successful woman (including children), careers that deplete the Earth, medicines that create illness in our body and poison the planet in order to maintain this feminine “power” path. We get caught in a webbing with people and partners who do not support or align with our authentic heart and womb path. Deep down, most of us know better.
Women reclaiming this energetic and spiritual alignment in their womb hearts begins to heal the Earth. The Earth body is our body. Currently as a collective woman we are still aligning with dynamics that do not support Her. The Earth reflects our actions as women- more than men. When we turn against Life in our decisions due to (insert preferred societal indoctrination and trauma here) we will continue to dig into her flesh until the scars blur all the paths back home.
Following my authentic womb heart is a selfless and sovereign act. Sovereignty is a medicine that is vital for the balance of Life. A heart felt woman in her sovereign voice carries an energy that upholds compassionate boundaries that say “I love you, I see you, but here is where we stand so that this beauty can continue to be upheld and honored. You don’t need to grasp at me, dig into my flesh or make a mess. Just look into my eyes- I am not going anywhere.” The sovereign heart can only come alive when listened to AND followed. This heart sets a compassionate boundary and presence that needs no words. The sovereign heart will help build new and forgotten ways rather than fight against and try to change structures based in a system that confronts our livelihood. The heart never fights against- it strives for…
I recently had an experience with my Mother. For a little background, without spiraling into story, my Mother has been ill most of my life. We, as a family, have been seeking housing solutions so that she can find her roots and rise again. I have my own version of what this would look like: having her move to Port Townsend and I will take care of her where we be together again- and other grandiose ideas of redemption. But this is my story and my vision. I found an avenue through Habitat for Humanity to own a home without any money (this is such an amazing organization if you’re not familiar). As I handed her the application a voice rose in me, “I hope she doesn’t complete this”. You see, every time I meet with my Mother she speaks of the desert and how her heart longs for that land. I called her to check in on the application and I could sense the tension in her jaw through the phone. She broke and finally said “that is not what I want”. Finally! She spoke her heart which is the actual healing I have been seeking between us all of my life. She was terrified that if she spoke her heart and begin to listen to her body and HER needs in bringing health and beauty to her life, that she would lose her children. That we would not come see her. I took a pause and simply said~
“The single greatest gift you can give you children is your following your heart. When you thrive, we thrive. I would rather see you dance in the desert 4 times a year then withering away and fighting yourself 4 times a month if you chose to stay close to me- sacrificing yourself for me. I need your example. I need your sovereignty mother so I can know mine”.
When there isn’t sovereignty, which is claimed through our severance from the Mother’s bosom, that happens traditionally in rites of passage work, we continue to subconsciously grasp at Her for all our needs. Under codes of sacred law and archetypal contracts (we can discuss this later) she aligns to our collective story and beliefs around love. If the story Her children hold is that punishment must come before love (original sin anyone?), who is to say that the great destruction of Her body is to prompt her voice- to speak loud, set us straight and claim her sovereignty again so we can have ours.. What if everything we, as part of the wounded patriarchy, destroy is to instigate the initiation we lost so long ago. What if it is a cry for the rites of passage that would align us with reciprocal laws of love, respect and sovereignty. Ok I digress a bit… more to come on that.
The womb heart will hold you. But there is a great trust fall. I had to fall into trusting that which I pray to and what brought me to existence can supply me with all I need. To align with Life means we must return to trusting that the very thing that gave us Life can also support us in the fundamental ways we need to thrive.
I could not do this entirely alone. As I let climb off the structures of the “wasteland” (Sharon Blackie) and begin to trust again what truly holds a good life- my shadows, my wounds, my resistances have emerged to be healed. I need others to lovingly reflect me so that the trust is reinforced. Giving and receiving support from those who authentically love me in every way, is life altering and wound salving. My circle of love is a large part of why I am able to fully follow my heart. I see the direct impact my heart path has on the lives of others. One of the greatest gifts of heart break, illness and misdirection is that, if we allow, they inevitably send us towards connection with others which enlivens belonging -which enlivens our medicine and thus the authentic heart path.
I sense that deep down women don’t want to rise in “independence and power” and that maybe those cries are a longing to reclaim the path of the heart and return to that reciprocal trust in Life. We often have to break away from what was supporting us in our silence- families and jobs and partnerships- in order to heal and hear our womb hearts. We make look “crazy” to the outside world for a while. It’s not because we want to stand alone without a partner or family or in financial limbo, but because we must get clear and alone to hear God/dess speak through us again and rebuild that channel of trust from Life force and redefine love, wealth, resource, God and power.
Power with, not power over, is the Divine Feminine in her purest and honored Heart. It is your oath to align with heartbeat of Life- starting with your own. Together we re-myth the collective injurious stories of separation when we align with our womb heart and allow her wisdom to flow.